he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
