some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just googled if crying burns calories
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
im on a boat
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