ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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