Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
