You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
