my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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