did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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