there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
