so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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