well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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