I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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