twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
