my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
