We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
