She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
