yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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