i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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