i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
