Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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