I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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