im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
