OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
