No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
