I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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