then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
