your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
