i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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