one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
3 2 1 whiskey
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
