Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
