he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She told me I should be a condom model.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
