I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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