I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
