I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize