so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
