Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
