I didn't shave. On purpose
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
