I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
