sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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