Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize