He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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