i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
