DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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