So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
