This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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