I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
