what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
