guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
