So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize