Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
