Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
