we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
