hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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