You smell like a Billy Joel song
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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