Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
