You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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