Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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