I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is classic penis vs brain.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
