Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
