Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
