not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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