Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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