Sponge bath it is.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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