We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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