I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
