Umm I'm too high to move.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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