Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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