Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
