Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
