In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
