Where did you get a picture of my penis
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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