you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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