I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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