What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
