they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
