i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
