I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
