Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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