I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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