Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
