he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Im part way to drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
