I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We just shotgunned beers for America
How external is "for external use only"?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
