I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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