He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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