Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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