Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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