That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
