You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The feeling are messing with the penis
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize