you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
