I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize