I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
