you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
