sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
