doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
