this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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