A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
