the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
