Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
