yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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