how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
