the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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