I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pappa wants mamma naked
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
