These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
