You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
