Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
not ubering you a puppy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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