Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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