It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
