Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
