Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
