Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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