i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
