I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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