please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
