I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
