I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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