I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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