if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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