I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
