I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
